I don't even remember why I started training, but I do know that it was not to compete. Now competition is my main driving force. If I was to look at it deeper, defeating another man for the chance to stand on a podium and have a piece of metal placed upon my neck, is the real driving force. I have become a collector of techniques, with no real understanding or perspective as to how they work or fit in the bigger picture. The need to win has forced me to figure out methods to make myself better in the shortest amount of time possible, no matter what it takes, while making as few mistakes as I can. Sure this has allowed me to improve faster, and if asked to do so I could show you a million sweeps from spider guard...but at the end of the day, I feel lost on this long journey we call jiu-jitsu.
I have spent the better part of two years convinced that competition was the answer. Testing yourself against another opponent who was equally as skilled, or better. If you defeat him, you are superior...one man you can scratch off your list out of billions. If you are defeated you are less of a man, and need to take more extreme measures to get em' next time. The unique thing about jiu-jitsu though, is that you can test yourself daily in the gym with your classmates, as most of them go hard if not harder than someone in competition. In fact, just training with someone who is preparing for competition can rub off on you. So what is it...pressure from the school? The need to feel like a billy bad ass? Impressing a new lady friend? I haven't quite figured it out yet, but what I have realized is that I am missing something greater from my training.
In all that training, conditioning, weight cutting, and stress of competition the true reason as to why I started training in the first place has escaped me. Competition is amazing, please don't let my cynicism frighten any of you who are thinking of competing...but I am finally understanding that right now it is just not something I need to focus on. I really love jiu-jitsu. I feel like a day on the mat without drilling is a wasted day, but I also feel like a day on the mat without learning something about yourself (not just your technique) is also a waste. I have come to think of jiu-jitsu as process oriented, not result oriented. I am more interested in the long arduous journey filled with hardships and pain, rather than the short, rushed, make as few mistakes as possible road. I want to help other people grow, because I feel like it is more rewarding than stepping out on a mat under the bright lights and "proving yourself."
Competition is not the only way you can raise your level in jiu-jitsu. Becoming a better person and training partner on the mats will work just the same. We all start martial arts out of self-interest, competition to me intensifies that...the most down to earth people I have met in this sport are the ones that have not stepped foot in a competition. Yet, I have looked to the medal chasers as my inspiration. To better myself, its time I change that. Not saying I won't compete ever again, but my training will no longer revolve around it. Let the spiritual breakthrough begin.
Thanks for reading,
Jei
http://www.facebook.com/JourneyBJJ
